Days 3-10: #LightTheWorld

Writing a blog post about what I did to #LightTheWorld each day felt... self-aggrandizing. It was like tooting my own horn, writing about the good things that I did and sharing it with the world.That's why I haven't written about it here. The experiences have been amazing, but I didn't want to come off the wrong way... which means that I've got bigger problems. Haha. If I can't be myself and share my life honestly on (G)MG, where can I share it? But I guess that's a question for another Writing a blog post about what I did to #LightTheWorld each day felt... self-aggrandizing. It was like tooting my own horn, writing about the good things that I did and sharing it with the world.

That's why I haven't written about it here. The experiences have been amazing, but I didn't want to come off the wrong way... which means that I've got bigger problems. Haha. If I can't be myself and share my life honestly on (G)MG, where can I share it? But I guess that's a question for another day.

Day 3: Honor the Sabbath - I went to Church for about 8 hours, and also gave nutritional and supplement advice to someone who asked me a handful of questions - the kind of question I'd usually field at work, so using professional skills to help others on my day off.

Day 4: Love your neighbor - I went home teaching to a guy who lives close by. Got to know him. Shared my testimony. Even though I'm no longer assigned to be his home teacher (since assignments just got changed), hopefully I can help him figure out his life.

Day 5: Honor Thy Parents - I had a short conversation with my dad, and did some service for my parents. My parents moved into the house I was living in a little over a year ago, and in the time since I've had mixed feelings about living with family again. For now, I'm doing what I can to help my family, and I'm here... though sometimes it's more than I can handle.

Day 6: Judge not - This one is hard to write. When bad decisions that my dad made caught up to him earlier this year, I felt like everyone in my mom's family abandoned her. My dad was gone, my siblings were in total shock. She was so alone, so isolated, and had to run a family and a business and work to repair the enormous damage that had happened. I never accused my family, since we were all going through the same pain... and maybe they just didn't know what to do... and maybe some of them did reach out but not in ways I could see. Either way, in my heart I judged some of them for not being there for us when we needed them so badly. So I forgave them.

Day 7: Care for Children - I spent the evening with my youngest siblings. We made veggie spring rolls, which turned out way too crunchy... then played games together.

Day 8: Love your Enemies - I don't have enemies, but I do have a family member that tends to always be involved in every argument that happens in my home. So I'm starting a week of being kind, not with the hope that it will fix the problem, but the hope that I can better communicate my own love.

Day 9: Visit the sick - I have multiple people in my life who are going through rough times in their lives. I reached out to a couple of them... and did what I could to lift their spirits.

Day 10: Study the Scriptures - I made the commitment to arrive to every scheduled meeting, event, hangout, etc on my calendar 5 minutes early... and to use the extra time when I arrive to study the scriptures. I find that studying them throughout the day in short bursts is more effective at keeping them in mind than just once a day. And if my once-daily session gets bumped, having lots of little moments will make it easier to still make it happen.

It's been a good experience so far. Tiring, and sometimes stretching. But I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to #LightTheWorld this December.

Day 2: "Living Water"

Today I felt out of sorts with the suggestion to serve. The prompt is of living water - both physical (giving gifts of clean water) and spiritual (testimony). I hate bottled water, because of the impact it has on the  environment... so I didn't want to give bottled water to the Food Bank. I gave a monetary donation yesterday, so today I wanted to do something different.The opportunity came when I was talking with a friend, and I was able to share my testimony of the gospel. At the eToday I felt out of sorts with the suggestion to serve. The prompt is of living water - both physical (giving gifts of clean water) and spiritual (testimony). I hate bottled water, because of the impact it has on the  environment... so I didn't want to give bottled water to the Food Bank. I gave a monetary donation yesterday, so today I wanted to do something different.

The opportunity came when I was talking with a friend, and I was able to share my testimony of the gospel. At the end of the day, water is important... but those who drink living water - the word of Christ - will never thirst. I know that Jesus Christ is the son of God. That He lived and died and lives again. And that be following His guidance, I will find the greatest possible happiness and peace in this life and the world to come.

Day 1: "Freely Give"

I realized as I read the suggestions for today that I struggle to know who needs help, and how to help them. My first thought was, "give a fast offering - that goes to the people around you who need it, according to their needs." So I did. But even that sometimes feels impersonal. I have a personal mantra when it comes to giving... one that I don't know if I've ever shared before in public: give enough that it hurts. Not enough that it would make me go broke... but I don't need a nice car, a newI realized as I read the suggestions for today that I struggle to know who needs help, and how to help them. My first thought was, "give a fast offering - that goes to the people around you who need it, according to their needs." So I did. But even that sometimes feels impersonal. I have a personal mantra when it comes to giving... one that I don't know if I've ever shared before in public: give enough that it hurts. Not enough that it would make me go broke... but I don't need a nice car, a new house, or fancy clothes.
I do have stuff that other people might appreciate - though it would likely be more my knowledge than anything else.
That's what I can do. I could offer to volunteer. I know that BYU has a center that mentors entrepreneurs. I'll make that phone call. As long as I have the guts to do it. Thanks, #LightTheWorld, for giving me an excuse.
(This post is part of the #LightTheWorld series - find more info at  )

#LightTheWorld In 25 Ways Over 25 Days

I'm doing the #LightTheWorld challenge this year. Every day of December, I'll go to   and grab a motivational video, bible verse, and suggestions of how to make the world a better place. I did a little last year, but this year I'm going to do every day.I had the thought to invite someone to do it with me - that way I can share my experiences.And then I had the thought that maybe I could write about them too. It's been too long since I wrote frequently. Get ready for a 25-dI'm doing the #LightTheWorld challenge this year. Every day of December, I'll go to   and grab a motivational video, bible verse, and suggestions of how to make the world a better place. I did a little last year, but this year I'm going to do every day.
I had the thought to invite someone to do it with me - that way I can share my experiences.
And then I had the thought that maybe I could write about them too. It's been too long since I wrote frequently. Get ready for a 25-day-long deluge.

Stuck?

I was crazy sick for weeks, and in the time since I've felt... like my life is sort of stuck in the doldrums. I enjoy my ward, but I find that I feel disconnected (likely because I need to make a bigger effort on my own part). I enjoy my work at Soap Factory, but I don't really have any long-term, or even short-term goals professionally. My friendships are stable. My family is following a sort-of-vegan diet. My health is good.So which way do I go from here?I guess that depends on where II was crazy sick for weeks, and in the time since I've felt... like my life is sort of stuck in the doldrums. I enjoy my ward, but I find that I feel disconnected (likely because I need to make a bigger effort on my own part). I enjoy my work at Soap Factory, but I don't really have any long-term, or even short-term goals professionally. My friendships are stable. My family is following a sort-of-vegan diet. My health is good.
So which way do I go from here?
I guess that depends on where I want to get.
Ultimately, I want to get to Heaven. And I want to take as many people with me as I can.
There's an infinite number of ways to make that happen. But what is something I can do? Something I can enjoy? Something where I can actually feel like I am making a difference? 
Enter the issue that likely I am facing, and that I feel like I've been facing for months now: I look at people with new jobs, people who leave on missions, people who go to school and begin new careers - people who all seem to have at least some direction in their lives - while I feel I lack that same direction in my own.
In my own defense, I feel like I've tried to find my own direction.
Or at least thought about it.
I've thought about getting a PhD or finding another Masters program. Moving someplace far away that would force me into something new. Going to a different ward. Finding a random 9-5 job. Finding, doing something, anything to pull me from the rut that feels my current existence.
But I can't transfer my records to a different ward because the moment I actually begin to make the choice, God tells me He wants me here. He wants me to make a difference in my ward, now. So maybe I'll just attend another ward in the morning.
I can't move far away because there are people in my life who need me here. I'm not sure that God would even let me move a couple miles.
There is one idea that is compelling to me...
One that is both scary and compelling.
I'm pretty sure I've written about it before. I love to design new ideas, new processes, new things. Finding a place, or creating a place, where I can design and create would be a dream come true. That's the compelling part.
The scary part? All of those ideas, in order to actually be worth anything more than a conversation, will require skill sets far beyond my own personal ability. And while working with an awesome team is a dream come true, putting a team together sounds only a little less painful than a literal trip to the infernal depths.
...
Perhaps that is why I feel so deeply discontent with the status quo, and why I also feel that God has been far too quiet in the matter. Because He has already given me a direction. One that I want to go, but one that distresses and scares me.
Well...
That does answer the question I came to this post with. It gives me direction anew, even if it seems honestly overwhelming.
Sometimes I dislike when blog posts go around in different directions than I expect them to. This post, for example, started with a decent feel to it, but the end feels far too... boring.
But does that mean it's less meaningful? Maybe. But I know there are plenty of times I've wished that Mormon had included more about the perfect society after the coming of Christ, rather than simply telling us that hundreds of years passed without controversy. Maybe, in the same way, the points of life that seem less meaningful and even boring to me, might be meaningful to someone else.

I Would Be My Brother's Keeper

Tl;dr: My dad had a heart attack and my family is supporting him in his new diet. Each of us can support the people around us in the good they do.I'm not really all that good of a guy. Sometimes I have aspirations of awesomeness, but most of the time I have literally no idea what I want to do, or even what I'm going to do tomorrow.That said, I still have aspirations.I still want to make a difference in the world.I still want to do the right thing.I still want to be a goodTl;dr: My dad had a heart attack and my family is supporting him in his new diet. Each of us can support the people around us in the good they do.

I'm not really all that good of a guy. Sometimes I have aspirations of awesomeness, but most of the time I have literally no idea what I want to do, or even what I'm going to do tomorrow.
That said, I still have aspirations.
I still want to make a difference in the world.
I still want to do the right thing.
I still want to be a good guy.
Even in the moments where life seems overwhelming, I still want to be a good guy.
I don't know. I wanted to write a blog post today about learning to serve people - hence the brother's keeper title - and how identifying the skills and talents I have enables me to be a better servant. But suddenly I don't even know what I want to write about. I can't even keep a goal while writing a blog post. Ugh.
My dad was hospitalized for heart attack 10 days ago. He had experienced over a dozen mini heart attacks over the weeks prior, but since each time they went away (and since we in my family think we are superhuman/immortal), he hadn't gone to get anything checked. My younger sister is doing her clinical rotations in a cardiac ICU right now; she made an appointment for him and gave him the ultimatum that she would take him to the ER unless he went to see his doctor.
The doctor sent him to the ER. The ER sent him to ICU. When the cardiologist on call arrived, he went immediately in for surgery. In an angiogram, a catheter is threaded into an artery in the wrist, then slowly winds its way up to the heart. Dye is injected, which allows the surgeon to see blockages in arteries. There was enough plaque in his right arm/shoulder that the angiogram catheter had to be redone through his left wrist.
The surgeon found a 98% blockage in the main artery supplying blood to the heart, along with 3 other spots nearby along the same artery with 60-70% blocks. He placed two overlapping stents, which addressed the acute issue of a potential fatal heart attack.
But placing stents in a blocked heart is like putting bandaids on bleeding cancer. Yes. It fixes a problem. But it does nothing to address the real problem. The presence of what the surgeon called a "surprising" amount of plaque throughout his arteries was sign of massive progression of the whole-body illness that has affected almost all of my forebears. Heart problems - from low blood pressure to high blood pressure, from high cholesterol to arrhythmia to heart attack to stroke - have hit every side of my family.
I asked my dad last Sunday what his plans were. Diet? Nutrition? Health? He mentioned that the hospital was holding a course on post-heart-attack nutrition a few days later and he was planning to attend.
I scoffed. I honestly doubted a sponsored hospital lecture, at least one in Orem, would have the teeth to make a dent in heart disease.
So I grabbed three books from my personal library - three books I picked up a year ago when my younger brother had chest pain of his own - and handed them to my dad. And within an hour he had found a direction he felt passionate about following.
So my dad has changed his lifestyle: he is now vegan, and eats a no added sugar, no added oil, no nuts, low salt diet.
Intense.
In a whirlwind of love and support, my family held a family council last Sunday, and each family member committed to doing their part to supporting dad in his new life. We'd fill the fridge and pantry with safe food (and keep anything else in a separate fridge), and every night one of us would make food that matched the diet.
It's been a week now, and our fridge and pantry are full of uber-healthy food. Pasta is still a simple family favorite, my little sister has decided that rice & beans will be her go-to for the near future, and morning oatmeal has become a regular thing.
My dad could probably find the willpower to do his diet alone. He wants to be alive. He wants to see his grandchildren and be a part of our lives, and he knows that choosing a healthy lifestyle will make a huge impact on his future. But having the support of his family will make all the difference in the world. All of us benefit from support and love from the people around us, and it makes me want to find ways to support the people I love in the good they do. 
This post is all over the place.

Warriors of Light

The day is at handThe darkness is spreading throughout every landBut a voice in the stillness still calls me to fightTo throw off the darkness and put on the armor of lightWe are warriorsWe're an armyAnd we stand for truth and rightAnd we know what it is we're fighting forWe will not fallWe will not failWith God on our side we will always prevailWe will follow Him and make our armor brightWe are warriors of lightWhen I'm surrounded by friendsWho pull me astrayOr I falter and loosen
The day is at handThe darkness is spreading throughout every landBut a voice in the stillness still calls me to fightTo throw off the darkness and put on the armor of light
We are warriorsWe're an armyAnd we stand for truth and rightAnd we know what it is we're fighting forWe will not fallWe will not failWith God on our side we will always prevailWe will follow Him and make our armor brightWe are warriors of light
When I'm surrounded by friendsWho pull me astrayOr I falter and loosen my hold on the rodI can look in the mirrorAnd see a light shiningDeep within, there's a fireFor I am a child of God
We are warriorsWe're an armyAnd we stand for truth and rightAnd we know what it is we're fighting forWe will not fallWe will not failWith God on our side we will always prevailWe will follow Him and make our armor brightWe are warriors of light
The darkness is ragingBut that's no surpriseWe'll banish the nightWith the light in our eyes
We are warriorsWe're an armyAnd we stand for truth and rightAnd we know what it is we're fighting forWe will not fallWe will not failWith God on our side we will always prevailWe will follow Him and make our armor brightWe are warriors of light
Though darkness is ragingWe'll stand and we'll fightFor we areWarriors of light
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I wrote that song years ago. It came to my mind today, as I looked at my life. Some days I wish life could be simpler. Easier. Perhaps something like the lives I see in people who don't have all the problems I do.
But then I come back to reality. My reality is a mess. Yes, I had a beautiful, almost idyllic childhood. It prepared me with a vision of God and helped me connect with Him. But every moment since has been on the battlefield - a battlefield for my own soul and the souls of everyone around me.
And even though I often wish I had been called to serve somewhere else, the warrior heart within me is who I am. I'm a missionary. And I always will be.
What it means is that my life will likely always swirl with clouds and darkness. The water will always be deep. And, at least for this life, God will likely be my only lasting source of peace, hope, and simplicity in life. Yes, I'll find moments of peace and happiness... but I'm on a battlefield. Let's be real here. I'm fighting for souls, and that means warring with devils, demons, and the natural man. Life is going to be rough.
But that's ok, right?
Ok because one person is worth it. My own soul is worth it. And even if my soul doesn't make it, lifting someone else is still worth it too.
There are people who work as forest and fire rangers in places hundreds of miles from civilization. They work to protect the safety of wildlife and surrounding communities... and give up contact with the world around them.
In the world before this, perhaps I signed up to be a ranger for souls. Maybe that's why God has left me single for so long... or why He has been so deeply involved in my life. Why He puts people in my path. Why I constantly run into walls and learn to be humble.
God has a work for everyone who comes to this world. A calling and a purpose and a meaning and a place in the Plan of Happiness.
May I continue to seek and find meaning, purpose, happiness, and peace in mine.