I must have eaten too many carbs today. Maybe. That could be the issue.Whatever the reason, right now I'm feeling an interesting type of loneliness. The interesting side is that I can't really think of anyone I want to talk to. Or what wou…

This Sunday North Star (an LDS support network for men and women striving to live the gospel with same-gender attraction) is hosting their quarterly fireside in Bountiful. The topic is "Keeping Close to Family and Friends who have Chosen a…

I had the missionary dream again this week. The one where the Apostles extend the opportunity for male members of the Church to go on additional full-time missions... and I'm there in an instant.I don't remember everything from the dream (…

Preface: when I say the word gay, I mean, inclusively, anyone who has feelings of same-sex attraction. When I say Mormon, I mean a faithful member of the Church, temple-worthy, who believes and lives according to the teachings of the proph…

everyone I had a conversation this week about being Mormon and gay. I've heard dozens of heart-rending stories of families destroyed because of unfaithful spouses with same-sex attraction. I know people who quietly go through incredible de…

I admitted to myself this week something important. I'm emotionally vulnerable.In my mind, emotional vulnerability is analogous to armor in a battle. The better your armor, and the less direct the blows, the fewer marks you come home with.…

Sometimes I'm just grateful for opposites in feelings. Because they help me realize how blessed I really am in life.Feeling alone helps me appreciate the times when I have people around me who care about me... and pushes me to reach out to…

I'm not sure where it comes from. Maybe it's because I struggle to read underlying emotional currents. Maybe it's because I've convinced myself that everything that can go wrong, will. Maybe it's a lesser part of being bipolar.Whatever cau…

From ashes to ashesI build up a palace and watch while it crashesBut there, in the stillness of nothing God calls"Someday you'll be more than a man." From ashes to ashesI build up a palace and watch while it crashesBut there, in the …

As time goes on I realize that I have some major necessary gratitude that has gone unfelt, as far as my trials and life go. Things I took for granted that definitely aren't granted in everyone's cases.The most recent is triggers.Or, maybe …

I recently watched the film Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close.Parts of it grated on me. Like the fact that the protagonist (who is characterized so that the audience assumes he has some type of autism) had major difficulty communicating ye…

Steven and Kenneth are two men. They both had same-gender attraction, were attracted to each other, decided to become partners, and have lived together for years.Today they're faithful, temple-worthy members of the Church.The first time I …

4:20pmI'm terrified. At noon today I scheduled a massage at the Utah College of Massage Therapy. The terror doesn't have a rationale to it. Maybe it's a holdover from being hypersensitive to touch for so many years. Maybe it's a holdover f…

There are times I find myself incredibly conscious of what my body looks like, and sometimes feel something inside that says it isn't good enough. That feeling (thankfully) is rarely strong, but sometimes still there nonetheless. Look in a…

Sometimes it's nice to be grateful for the little things in life. My diet's going really well, and I'm having a blast coming up with new recipes. My friend found her lost cat, the health food store on the corner had a sale on tofu (which e…

There are already countries where Internet pornography isn't a problem for youth. Where people grow up and don't get addicted, want to get away, and yet are tantalized at every turn by a ubiquitous demon. But moving to a Muslim state isn't…

(Yes, the title is a reference to a Church hymn. "We Are All Enlisted" is a great Christian hymn that rallies people to the cause. I don't think my paraphrase will ever make it into a hymnal, but hopefully it rallies people to understand t…

I'm thinking about trying to find a therapist again. I'm just not really sure what my goal would be. I mean, on all visible extents measures, my life is incredible right now. I just got a dream job (that fell from Heaven, almost literally)…

I went to the North Star summer fireside last night. I've tried to be involved in the community since last November, but (like everyone else) even though I know that people care about me I find I still have major qualms about my ability to…

that all my stress comes from people. Everything that makes it hard for me to sleep at night, that makes me eat when I'm stressed, that triggers depression, that makes me cry, that burns me out, that pushes me into a corner with no way out…

Today the US Supreme Court issued two rulings that cut at the heart of the battle for marriage. DOMA, and Proposition 8.The first - DOMA - regarded the federal Defense of Marriage Act. Since the federal government administers a number of b…