I've wanted friends for years. Growing up I saw my siblings with their entourage of friends, and me seemingly alone... and somehow I felt superior. I felt like I didn't need friends. The reality is that I had people who were my friends, bu…

It's been a while. Life has been stressful, and every time I write a blog post something pulls me away before I can finish. And then it happens again, and again, and again.But in the end it just means I have some great unfinished journal e…

Yesterday I grabbed some cash to repay my little brother. He had paid for some of the clothing for my a cappella group, and I needed to give him back $30. I had a stack of money from ticket sales for Grace, so I started going through looki…

General Conference is this week. Along with being incredibly stressed from the business growing, having a massive a cappella concert in a week, and trying to figure out my life... I'm just excited about conference.I'm excited... because I …

I feel lost.Except that lost doesn't really fit.My life has purpose. I accomplish things. I find joy in serving others and making a difference. I have people who love me and make huge sacrifices for my wellbeing. I have most of the things …

This week is the one-year anniversary of the Voices of Hope project. http://www.ldsvoicesofhope.orgMy video was published almost a year ago. My blog began almost 4 years ago....a million views later...Today we had a dinner for people invol…

The last few weeks I've been stressed. Enough so that people are mentioning it, and being stressed is often a norm in my life. I have people at church and in life telling me they're concerned about me, asking me to reconsider the stresses …

I woke up at 2:00 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I felt like going to the gym and swimming, so I walked across the street and did sprints until my arms gave out, then sat in the steam room until I had trouble breathing. While…

I fell asleep multiple times in Sacrament meeting today. The speakers were interesting, compelling, and people I care about - we got a new member of our bishopric and the stake president spoke - but that didn't change the fact that I was s…

Caveat: Depression is a pretty awful thing. Feeling like I'm worth less than muddy snow, wanting to die, and losing interest in most of the things in life are all pretty negative feelings. And depression can lead to some even more awful th…

I hurt.I'm not sure exactly why. Maybe it's because in Grace we had our first major power struggle among group members, and interpersonal conflict rips me apart. Maybe it's because my little brother was part of it, and I'm trying to use Gr…

I used to stress about being single.It sort of happens in Utah Valley. A reason the Mormon Mecca of BYU exists is to bring youth together so they can date, fall in love, and get married. And as far as eternal salvation goes, marriage ranks…

This may end up being one of the most stressful weeks of my life. That's probably hyperbolic. But it's still stressful. Grace has multiple performances; we have to choose our dress code and do pictures and deliver Aca-Valentines; my new ca…

I'm definitely an idealist. I always have been. I believe in true love and happiness and honestly believe that everything in life - the stuff that happens to me - is a gift from God designed to help me find eternal happiness. In some cases…

I finally saw the Saratov Approach last night with a friend. (I say finally because my cousins were executive producers of the film and one was in it)There were a lot of things that brought back memories. The moment when they ask about the…

For as long as I can remember, the temptation for pornography has been there. Sometimes every day, sometimes cycling to an unseen rhythm that would disappear and then strike without notice. I've learned coping skills and things that I can …

Grace is real.Both the one that comes from God, and gives us things we could never deserve, and the newest a cappella group in the world.Tuesday was auditions. I was afraid no one would show up, or no one would want to join my group. But a…

I There's a lot in Frozen that made me sit back in my seat and cry. A lot of things that mirror my own life... and I felt the message kindle sparks of hope that usually lay dormant beneath the thick, cold blanket of realism that keeps me s…

I've never seen so much anger. So much bitterness and persecution and name-calling and hatred...... as I have with the issue of faith and homosexuality.People that I thought I knew suddenly turn to vipers ready to attack when the subject c…

The Supreme Court granted a stay, with no dissenting opinion, on gay marriages in Utah after the ruling judge and appellate court did not, three times in a row.Then the state of Utah did something really cool. With the law back on the book…

Sometimes I step back from life to look at where I am and where I'm going. I got sick yesterday, and that's usually an opportunity to look at life and think about what really matters... and what doesn't. My thoughts were a bit spacey (sinc…

The last few weeks have been tumultuous. On my birthday a federal judge ruled that the Utah Constitution was unconstitutional, because it only allowed marriage between a man and a woman. Short tangent on that. I was first really shocked, t…

Auditions for grace - the new a cappella group I'm starting - will be January 14 at 7:00, in the Varsity Theater at BYU. Follow the facebook page at for information.This is going to be great. Auditions for grace - the new a cappella group …

Tonight I'm performing at the annual North Star Christmas fireside. I'm singing O Holy Night, and as of earlier this week I'm the last participant on the program. It should be good.The last week has given me thought. Last week at the BYU A…

I got a letter today from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. My brother saw it in the mail, called my family back in Chicago, and watched as I opened it. I could tell there was only one piece of paper in the envelope, and something inside me bra…

Sometimes I feel so out of place.Yesterday was the Reconciling Faith and Feelings Conference, hosted by AMCAP (Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists), FAR (the Foundation for Attraction Research), and North Star Internation…

November 13th came, and I dressed up and arrived to door 25 of the Tabernacle ready to sing "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go" in the key of F.My audition time was at 3:40, which was interesting... since most of the auditions had actually h…

October 12th arrived, and early in the morning I drove to Salt Lake City (dressed up this time), parked beneath the Conference Center, and joined a tiny group of people rubbing their hands together outside the Tabernacle.We were 15 minutes…

Each year the Mormon Tabernacle Choir holds auditions for hopeful singers in the Church. There are approximately 400 members in the choir, and with a maximum tenure of 20 years, at least 20 people (on average) retire each year. In reality,…

Each Saturday morning I work at the Provo temple as an ordinance worker. And each Saturday morning, as I stop and listen... I feel like life is all in place. Everything I'm dealing with stays outside the temple walls, and for a few hours I…