The weather is cold, and awesome.The sky is awesome.The food I ate for breakfast this morning was awesome.Today is going to be awesome....It really is amazing though how a switch in perspective changes everything. The weather is cold, and …

Hungry.Lonely.Anxious.It's an intense mix of loneliness, anxiety, hunger, jealousy, frustration, angst, exhaustion, pain...Like the floodgates of feeling have opened and the only thing behind them was Pandora's box.If I stay home I'll prob…

I had a realization.My life isn't going to change.I'll back up a bit and give some context.When I was looking for a career, I went to my Patriarchal blessing. I was convinced that the answer would be there. And, sure enough, there's a para…

I fully intended to share everything about my appointment with my bishop. Going in, I felt overwhelmed, disappointed, anxious, and somewhat hopeful. Speaking with him and then blogging about it felt like an awesome opportunity to share my …

I meet with my bishop today. And I'm preparing as much humility as I can.My best friend asked what I would be willing to change. If I'd be willing to never meet with anyone I don't know again - to take myself off the roll of emotional / sp…

I realize that having just messed with my life makes anything I say pretty suspect. But I've had these thoughts long before last night.Connection comes from a multitude of different sources. But one major source is cultural identity. It's …

I want to start by simply saying I am sorry. More sorry than I have ever been.One of the major tenets of the Church culture I want to someday see realized is a universal expectation of authenticity. To have each guy get to Elder's Quorum a…

This post is long. And convoluted. But I've needed to post it for a long time now... and I finally have at least something down... so please forgive the mess that is here. I suggest reading it in parts.Part 1:I always wondered why so many …

There's a popular painting of Christ carrying a lamb on His shoulders. For a long time, that painting has inspired me. Knowing that Christ was willing to go out into the desert, search in the wilderness, and go anywhere to find a lamb who …

If I'm gay.Warning. This is a heavy post.I've worked at BYU as a curriculum designer. I'm a BYU graduate, twice. My license plate says BYU on it. My best friend attends BYU. But just today I learned about something that has given me cause …

There's something awesomely magical about watching a Disney film unfold. Over and over and over again, the protagonist faces life's struggles with head held high. Reaching deep inside, he (well, usually she) learns something new, overcomes…

My aunt posted a photo on Facebook about her emotions watching her son prepare to leave for college.And I feel torn.I'm grateful for the rare glimpse into someone else's life. For the emotional connection it gives me.I still feel torn.The …

This last week was tough. I gave a fireside for my ward on Sunday. In the days leading up to it, everything in life just seemed to go wrong.Well, not everything - just enough went wrong to make life uncomfortable, but not impossible. In re…

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Or at least a twinge of something somewhat like jealousy. Or longing. Or desire. Or whatever.It was Friday night, and my shop was packed with people. Earlier in the day had been utterly quiet, with only a handful of people walking in. By 8…

My mother is a hero.She studied rocket science at MIT. Between winning regional diving championships and cooking mass meals for the Institute, she met my dad, who was studying business. He had a year left, and she had two... so she did wha…

It's a Wednesday, and I am in an Internet cafe far from my apartment and thousands of miles from home. My spot is along the right aisle, on the left hand side, three chairs from the front.I pull out the chair and try to tune out the chaos …

There wasn't a firestorm this General Conference. In the past few years, usually at least one talk each Conference will have something that the gay, anti/ex-Mormon world can dredge up as proof of the Church's alleged discrimination. This t…

I am lonely. Loneliness ultimately comes from an unmet need based in others. I feel a need to emotionally connect. Then I reach out to others. If they don't fill the need, then I feel loneliness and have to find coping strategies to offset…

It's been a while since I did anything with North Star.North Star is a multi-faceted organization. As a base, the organization provides resources for members of the LDS Church and community to help them understand and navigate issues surro…

But the question made me think.Happiness.It's such a strange thing.And so intertwined with other, sometimes seemingly exclusive principles:Fun. Meaning. Purpose. Fulfillment. Achievement. Growth. Bliss. Pleasure.Tonight after the Friday ni…

The title of this post is actually a terrible misnomer. Even people like me - and I have all sorts of issues revolving around love - can experience the peace and happiness that comes from the true love of God. Without Him, I would have tur…

I need to think.In my past life, depression came often enough that I didn't have to schedule time to think about my priorities. It just happened anytime that life went downhill. Depression would take over, and force me to rethink everythin…

Over the last few years, I've developed a set of social armor that deflects at least a few of the things that used to hit me hard, but there are some things that bypass the outside and hit me no matter what.People are one of those things.S…