A Thousand Years in Zion

We just sang "Come All Ye Sons of God" in stake priesthood leadership meeting and during the 4th verse I actually laughed aloud. "In heavenly bliss your time employ / a thousand years in Zion to praise the Lamb." The thought that being über-stressed in continually doing the work of God would translate into supreme joy seems distant right now. I don't think I'm ready for a thousand years of heavenly employment yet. I certainly haven't reached the point where that would bring me bliss. I have troWe just sang "Come All Ye Sons of God" in stake priesthood leadership meeting and during the 4th verse I actually laughed aloud. "In heavenly bliss your time employ / a thousand years in Zion to praise the Lamb." The thought that being über-stressed in continually doing the work of God would translate into supreme joy seems distant right now. I don't think I'm ready for a thousand years of heavenly employment yet. I certainly haven't reached the point where that would bring me bliss. I have trouble living day to day. Stress is slowly wearing me away... and I'm watching myself get pulled thinner and thinner across the issues of my life.
I haven't been writing recently... and for a long time that was my primary method of dealing with stress. I have a lot of stress right now. Maybe today I can begin to regain that habit.
Tomorrow I leave for the East Coast - I'm attending Natural Products Expo East in Baltimore, a massive supplier-retail trade show for the natural health industry. Having a 10x10 booth costs thousands of dollars. Thousands of dollars for the opportunity to meet retailers from across the country. That's one source of my stress. I feel like we're much more prepared than we were last year; last year we knew nothing about what to expect, we knew nothing about the show, we knew very little about how to attract retailers at all. This year we have custom displays, a simpler theme, and another year of experience pushing us to pull people from the aisle. But the preparation is still a huge source of stress.
A second source of stress also comes from business. We're opening a retail store in Provo. This is our second attempt at opening one. On the upside, the location we're going for this time is almost guaranteed to have no roof issues, as it's under an apartment complex. No molding walls, crumbling ceilings - this one is almost perfectly ready to move in. But it's still a huge undertaking as we tackle questions about displays, design, theme, exactly what to carry in the store, customer experience, opening hours, marketing and advertising... Yes, we're excited. But I'm also scared. What if we do something that ruins our brand image? What if we launch a retail environment and no one comes, even with a massive coordinated marketing push? I feel like it'll be ok. But I'm still stressed.
Church brings stress as well. My calling is slowly wearing me down - from Wednesday evening visits to early morning meetings throughout the stake to attempting to reactivate and motivate ward missionaries, I'm running out of steam. My temple shift is a great time to feel peace, but it's still 6 hours taken out of each Saturday, and last night it conflicted with stake conference.
Then I have relationship stress. My best friend's grandfather died yesterday, and I'm going out of town and won't be able to be at the funeral. He's trying to figure out his life, and I can't make any of his important decisions for him. And, in reality, I feel just as lost in my own life. Other people around me are going through major crises, and each thing gets added to the burdens I carry each day. Yes, I know I should give all the issues I carry for others to God and let Him take care of it, but I don't.
And then there's just random sources of stress that have to be some sort of Celestial addition to my life.